In Honor of my Son's Birthday today, July 8th, here is an
Excerpt from MOTHERS WHO CRY IN THE NIGHT
Written by:
Rev. Dr. Betsie H. Poinsett
www.MothersWhoCryintheNight.com
CHAPTER 23
THE LAST TEST – “Look, Mom,
I’m Free!”
This story wasn’t over yet. I wondered how it would end. Bennett is dead on November 8, 1997 3:35 PM
brain dead from yet another car crash. His truck had crashed into a tree in the
early morning hours the night before, he was rushed to the hospital, hanging
onto life until we could get there to say the final good-bye.
He is finally FREE.
FREE to soar unlimited. In his death was the ultimate release and
freedom for all three of us. It was so
clear that he never wanted to be here.
He was always striving to leave, pushing every boundary, exasperating us
with every action. But the gifts, oh the
gifts that we see now. This time his angels must have said, “OK, enough is
enough; come on home. We finally get the message. You want out of there.”
I was in Gatlinburg in my motel room when Ed called me at
6 am. Bennett had been in an accident
and it was very grave. Immediately when
I hung up the phone, my guides gave me a message that he was with the angels,
but that he would wait until I got there to say good bye. I was shown a vision
of all of his ancestors standing around his lifeless body as they waited for
him on the other side.
After what seemed like the longest drive of my life, we
finally arrived at the hospital at 2:00 PM.
I immediately put my amethyst crystal on him and sent the healing energy
from my hands into his body, just like I had done in his first DUI accident.
But this time I kept telling him that he had our
permission to go to the light. “It is your choice,” I said. I only wanted him back if he could be
transformed; because the pain of watching him in these last few weeks was so
agonizing I knew I couldn’t take it much longer. And now the finale.
Ed and I were around him and sending our love. I touched his face to stroke his cheek and,
just as in life, he shook me off.
Ed rubbed his feet and he clearly moved his legs as if to
say, “Stop it; leave me alone” - just as he had always done to us in the past.
And then he died. We joined hands and Ed
recited the 23 Psalm.
Bennett’s wishes were that we donate his organs and so we
did. When that happens they keep
everything going with machines until the organs can be taken so it looks like
they are still alive.
My mind kept asking: “Is he really dead? How do you know? What have I done? Could he
have revived? I believe in miracles,
would this be one?"
I insisted on waiting for the neurosurgeon. He was in surgery and I had to wait over an
hour. But I had to know. I had to be
shown that he was dead. He tested and
showed me. They took him off the
respirator and after 4 minutes it was still a flat line – no brain waves, either. I knew I had to see that proof to really
know. If I hadn’t seen that for myself I
would have always wondered. I didn’t
want to wake up in the middle of the night for the rest of my life wondering if
I had done the right thing.
The
ICU staff said they had never seen a family act like we did. They were really inspired by our attitude and
our faith, especially because we gave him permission to die to go on, to be
free. When I told one nurse that he
was exactly where he wanted to be, she said she got chills. Yes, confirmation
that it was true. We finally left the hospital at about 7:30 PM and started the
long drive home.
My
dear friend Kitty said his energy form came to her at about 8:00 PM, the lights
started flickering, the phone started ringing and yet no one was there when
they picked it up. She suddenly realized
that Bennett’s spirit was there, scared and confused. She calmed him down and helped him understand
that he was on the other side and it was OK.
He had created this and now he was experiencing what it was like to be
on the other side. She told him he had a
choice to go back into his body if he wanted to. I pictured him saying, “I
don’t know where my body is, but I’ll be damned if I’ll go back! I worked too
hard to get over here."
She encouraged him to find his friend Tom who was flying
home from Japan . Bennett told Kitty, “Oh yes, I have already
visited him!” And at exactly 3:30 Tom
said he felt someone’s spirit come to him while he was on the plane!
I found out that his organs were taken at 11 am the next
day, which helped me realize that he had had plenty of time to go back into his
body if he wanted. Almost 15 hours. It wasn’t like they had taken his organs in
20 minutes. It comforted me to know that
he had that time and had made the decision to be free.
He was clearly visiting many people. He was so happy to be free, soaring and at
peace at last. My friend Pam felt him earlier that day, just after Ed had
called me in the morning. She was taking
a shower and looked out the window and saw a cloud – the only one in the
sky! She felt it was Bennett’s soul and
after that her doorbell rang and no one was there. We knew it had been Bennett.
As I’d always loved watching the mist form above the lake
outside our house, it was not odd to find me doing so in the early morning
hours following his death. Standing by
the window overlooking the lake, I was remembering how he had managed to walk
defiantly away from eight similar accidents without a scratch on him---but not,
I thought to myself, was he able to this time.
By now I understood Bennett had been one of those children beginning to
be known as “Indigo.” He hadn’t felt
anyone really liked or understood him, had stretched every boundary, had indeed
been a proverbial “wild child.” I had
also come to the understanding that throughout Bennett’s 21 years of tumultuous
life experiences, all of my spiritual beliefs had been challenged and
re-evaluated. It had been at times “pure
hell,” but rather than having “gone off the deep end,” as I had often thought I
might, in the end I had actually grown tremendously in spirit and in fact had
been quite transformed.
It had been a long and sleepless night and I now sat
comfortless in our living room watching the mist begin to rise above the
lake. As it took shape, a soft, quiet
voice within began imploring me, “Get up!” it urged. “Really, look
at that mist.” I stood up and went to
the window to get a better view, and immediately realized it truly was like no
other I had ever seen. Rather, it was
like looking at one of those Magic Eye pictures. Inside the mist shapes began to form. I saw that they were angels who rose up and
moved forward. Then came the spirits of
all the children Bennett had known---all who had died before he had---moving
elegantly in a free form slow dance. (Bennett had lost over 25 friends to death
between 1991-1997, all from accidents, drug overdose or suicide) One by one they rose above the mist, with
arms graciously moving in the air. They
seemed to luxuriate in their freedom.
Suddenly, soaring off above them, I recognized
Bennett! He held the form of a
dragonfly--- his chest arched out, his head reared proudly back, as he led the
way for the others. Again I heard a voice from within, this time his.
“Look, Mom, I’m Free!” he proclaimed with utter
abandonment.
And indeed he was.
I stared wide-eyed, then blinked several times and stared again,
completely mesmerized by the amazing scene unfolding before my eyes. The angels continued their upward spiral---higher
and higher as more and more spirits collected themselves underneath until they
billowed out across and above the water.
One after another, each paraded in front of me as I watched from the
window. Besides the angels, Bennett, and
the spirits of his deceased friends, there also rose and came buffalo, men on
horseback and Native American Indians.
Their magnificent procession lasted for over 30 minutes. Several times during the process, I turned
away and closed my eyes, then turned back quickly, just to see if the images
would still be there. And each time,
they were. I was not hallucinating. It was happening just as I saw it. The realities of life here on Earth and the
after-life Bennett was entering were converging right in front of my very eyes.
Suddenly I thought about the Native American Vision Quest
Bennett had made in 1996, during which time he had taken three days to find
what was called his “animal totem.” It
had been a dragonfly and had forever
remained his “trademark,” to some, even his nickname. I remembered the magnificent blue dragonfly
he had tattooed on his chest—the same
chest I had just seen proudly beckoning the others to follow him across the
sky! Totally aware of the supernatural spiritual implications my son was
now revealing to me, as I also remembered how, my own dragonfly research had
taught me that a “dragonfly” is often called upon to guide one’s spirit through
“mists of illusion into the path of transformation.” Here now before me were both the mist and the
transformation!
My thoughts were interrupted as Ed came into the
room. Grabbing his arm, I said, “Look
quickly. Can you see those spirits on
the lake?”
“Yes”, he replied, his eyes opening as wide as my
own. “I can see them quite clearly.”
Together we stood watching, unable to speak, until slowly
each manifestation faded away. It was
then that I understood the most amazing thing:
this whole spectacular event had
been Bennett’s most extraordinary gift to us.
“Ed,” I said. “He
knew how badly we needed to know he was okay.
He was showing us he was much more
than that. Our son was completely,
infinitely happy and free—and very,
very proud that we knew it. For once and
for all, Ed, he is really and truly free.”
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